Why relationships are so important

Happy young couple dreamstime_xs_28150674
It often seems that the airwaves are filled with love songs, expressing the fire of passion. But there are far fewer which celebrate the years which may follow with “our other half” – a phrase that is often used ironically. Are we in fact incomplete without finding ‘the one’ who completes us, as the ancient Greeks believed?

In my experience this isn’t true, in the sense that there is only one other who can be our perfect match. But the need for a mate is very deep all the same. Beyond the simple biology, there is a need for us to know ourselves – and this can be best done with another who sees us intimately, just as we are. Partners provide each other with a mirror, and can serve as a witness celebrating each other’s uniqueness.

But of course it’s not always quite so positive…. Many of us will have grown up with a less than helpful model of close relationships, with parents who may have just ‘got along’ or been quite unhappy together. As growing individuals we will have learnt a set of family dynamics unconsciously which may not serve us well when we come to find our own partner. In the classic words of the poet Philip Larkin:

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you.”

Middle aged couple dreamstime_xs_15251912But we don’t need to follow Larkin’s conclusions that we’re doomed to repeat the patterns of our own conditioning. We have the power to choose something different, something which will provide lasting fulfilment. Research shows that married people are happier than single ones, and a fulfilled intimate relationship is one of life’s greatest joys. On the other hand we all know of marriages/relationships which are unhappy, and the draining effects they can have on the partners and any family.

It is completely possible to create a great relationship, using all the insight, skills and knowledge which are available. With guidance and support you can build your intimate communication about all aspects of life together, in order to bring you closer.

With this support you can claim the life you long for. All you need is a map and a guide who knows the terrain!

Men And Relationships